Weighing on My Mind

This is a VERY touchy topic with many women…but, here's my story.

Let's go back to January 2002 when Andy and I lived in Nashville. I was 25 years old and about to do what I never thought I would have to do…I was about to outgrow my size 10 pants and have to go, yet again, another size up. My body frame should not be a size 12 (some should). More importantly, I didn’t feel very healthy and I had high cholesterol. I was never really into exercising on a consistent basis. I tried every diet out there (what woman hasn't?). I LOVED food. And food was my filler – when I was bored, when I was sad, when I was happy…it just added to any emotion I had. I knew something had to change.

Friends of ours had just tried Weight Watchers with great success. They explained the concept and Andy and I thought we'd give it a try. The one thing I will say is that we truly had set a goal to make it a lifestyle change, not just another diet. If you are not aware of the Weight Watchers concept (first, where have you been??), the idea is that each food is worth a certain amount of points (based upon calories, fat & fiber) and you only get a specified amount of points each day based upon your weight. (There are updates to the program now, but that's not the point of this mind-dump.) There are zero point items like carrot sticks. There are 5 point items like M&Ms. My daily maximum was 21-23 points. So I COULD have M&Ms, but that was a huge chunk of my daily points.

The first few weeks, I was starving. I won't lie. I was SO HUNGRY. All diets say it takes your stomach a few weeks to "shrink" back to a "normal" size. I will say this is true. But although I was hungry, I actually felt better. I had more energy. See I still wanted to keep my food filler and be able to eat snacks, etc. So I ate a lot of zero and 1-point foods which happen to be mainly fruits and vegetables. So I was eating much healthier and starting to focus on portion control. I COULD eat potato chips, but only 12 of them…not half the bag.

Did this work? YES! Andy and I stuck to it and were successful. Do we follow it today? Not completely. We have more treats than before, but still stick to portion control. Every morning I still have 1 cup of cereal with ½ cup of milk and 4 oz. of orange juice. I still have a 10 AM and 3 PM 2-3 point snack. I try to pack my lunch. At dinner, Andy and I usually split one chicken breast or pork chop. I measure my pasta and sauce. Little quirks still live with me. I check the calories, fat & fiber of most foods. I allow myself to eat whatever I want between Thanksgiving and New Year's. Have I gained some weight back since 2002? Absolutely! Especially since I LOVE sweets. However, I only eat a few bites now and I've started exercising consistently.

In all of this, what's "weighing" on my mind today is people's reactions to my weight loss. After losing the initial weight Andy and I did start exercising when we moved to Birmingham. We biked and ran. That helped keep off the pounds even when we ate more. We felt great. That was the important part. I never had a goal clothing size. I just wanted to feel physically fit when I got pregnant. However, as a result of this, I was the smallest size I'd ever been in my life. (You're asking, "what size?" aren't you??) A size 4 – more fitting for my body structure.

Some friends, family and acquaintances were surprised when we returned to Cincinnati "less" than we were before (Andy also lost some weight – about 40 lbs!). Immediate reactions from many included, "You're too skinny. You need to eat more. Are you starving yourself?" (Don't get me wrong – some choose the crash-diet route and do in fact swing the opposite way and lose TOO much weight – again, not my point here.) When I ordered at a restaurant, the waiter/waitress would say, "Is that all you want?" And finding appropriate and not outrageously expensive work clothing in my new size was near impossible.

And when I got pregnant…wow! People say the strangest things. I was constantly asked, "Are you gaining enough?", "Don't you know you're eating for two?" and "Is your baby getting enough food?" My doctor thought I was doing great. She talked about the misconceptions about how much weight you should really gain when pregnant. She told me I was the "poster child" for perfect pregnancy weight gain and it made me proud.

We live in a supersized world with most people being overweight. Why can we not celebrate when people are healthy and fit? When people take care of themselves?

That is why I began volunteering with the nonprofit group Girls on the Run. I want young girls to know that it is in fact ok to be healthy and fit. (The focus should be more on that than the weight number itself.) See opposite of being made fun of for being fat (which I never was), I was now being made fun of for being skinny. Something I NEVER thought would occur. It was so interesting to me.

If you are not familiar with Girls on the Run, check out our local website. It's www.gotrcincinnati.org. I am passionate about this organization. If you have a daughter, look into this program. Also, be sure to visit Dove's website and watch both the Onslaught and the Evolution videos:
http://www.dove.us/#/features/videos/videogallery.aspx/ Onslaught and Evolution

As women, we must continue to fight the negative talk about body image. We must emphasize healthy choices. We must not focus on weight. I have been on both sides. It's been an interesting and eye-opening thing for me. I want Stella and Charlotte to be comfortable in their bodies. Yes, I still have the Bucher butt and the Gleason thighs. Those things will never go away. But I'm active and healthy. I make good food choices that impact my energy levels. Do I know what I weigh? Honestly, I don't. I haven't been on a scale since my 38-week dr. appointment before Charlotte was born.

You could be reading this saying, "Easy for her to say, she lost her weight." Don't focus on that. It truly was a result of changing my eating habits and exercising more. I know other women that did the same thing and didn't lose as much. However, they still feel better. That's what it's all about. Some of you say, "I eat like crap and feel just fine." That also is your choice. But in the long run, I don't believe it will keep working.

Ah. I feel much lighter now!

The In-Betweeners

This topic hit me about a month ago while talking to another In-Betweener and I've hesitated on putting my thoughts together and posting about it. Some of you are NOT going to like this one. Remember, it's one girl's opinion.

As most of you know, there is a never-ending battle (whether you agree with it or not) between stay at home moms (SAHM) and work outside of the home moms (WOHM). Go to any mommy message board and it can be brutal. Both sides can be extremely opinionated about the other and the choices women make today. However, I have noticed that the WOHMs typically HAVE to work in order to provide the basics – the house, the cars, and the food on the table. (Could they downgrade to cheaper apartment living and drive older cars? Sure. But that's not the point I'm going to make. I'm talking about the women that don't work just for the "extras" as I'll describe in a moment.)

So I think I'm an In-Betweener. I don't HAVE to work. (Although Andy may disagree!) If we chose to, I know we could make it on one salary. Would we give up A LOT? Yep. But I'd have to admit the things we'd give up would be niceties, the "extras". Cable (we get all the channels). Dinners out. Housecleaning. The ability to host things we absolutely love like cookouts with friends, our Annual Wade Picnic and our Annual Holiday Open House. The ability to support multiple local charities. Vacations. Swim Lessons. Photography classes. And we'd give up material purchases/projects we've been able to do over the past couple of years – a new master closet, the treadmill, the front porch, and the patio for example. And selfishly, I enjoy dinner out with the girls once a month, a facial/manicure/pedicure a couple times a year and lunch out with co-workers every couple of weeks. Those things would probably go as well or really be downgraded.

Do I spend frivolously? Absolutely not. Those that know me well, know I am a frugal person and I don't buy anything that's not on sale and 99% of the time I have a coupon. So I don't work to throw money away. Remember, I'm married to a finance/accounting guy…we budget every penny and account for every dollar spent. That's a whole other post topic.

But as an In-Betweener, neither the SAHM nor the WOHM really understands me. The SAHM questions "Why not stay at home with your kids? Isn't it worth it? Do you really need the extras? Aren't you missing out? Do you want someone else to raise your kids?" etc. The WOHM sometimes resents me. Some don't have a choice and given the choice, they'd be home in a heartbeat so they can't understand why that's not my choice. The career-driven WOHM wishes I would just stay home. To them, I only give enough now to be above average. I no longer over-achieve for super-duper star. I don't come in early and I don't stay late. I no longer work through lunches – that's my errand time. I'm tired at my desk everyday, and no, I'm not as productive as I used to be. And some days (most lately!) my kids are sick and I'm not there (but then I'm at my computer catching up on work during naps and at night). And I'm no longer worrying about climbing that career ladder anymore. I just want a job where I can contribute to something by doing great work that interests me and get my mind away from diapers, toddler speak, Dora, and sweat pants. I want a reason to shower and adults to converse with.

As I've met more moms over the past 2 years I've run into more In-Betweeners and we put so much guilt on ourselves (like all moms, right?). Why do we sometimes enjoy dropping our kids at a daycare and going to work? Are we selfish? Are we too materialistic? Are we not "mommy-enough"? Are PB&J play dates at the park not good enough for us? (Eileen that one was for you!) If you think I don't ask myself these questions EVERY DAY, you are wrong. EVERY DAY I wonder if I'm making the right choice by choosing to continue to work. EVERY DAY I mentally put together the Pro/Con list of our work/daycare decision. EVERY DAY I wonder how it is affecting my girls. EVERY DAY I wonder what we will do with work/daycare if we are blessed with another child. EVERY DAY.

And I'm sure if you are a mom, you do the same thing about your situation no matter what it is. The best thing we can do is support each other's decision and NOT judge each others'. Being a mom is hard enough (although the rewards totally make up for it) – having to defend your decisions shouldn't be added to that. We are already questioning ourselves daily. We all strive for balance. What works for me, may not work for you. For now, I'm an In-Betweener.